Everyone always talks about how parents who fight in front of their children can cause negative psychological and emotional effects on them. However, no one ever talks about parents who never fight in front of their kids.
Growing up, I never saw my parents fight. This probably sounds like the perfect way to grow up, but this actually made me think that fighting was bad. Disagreements were bad. Making others feel uncomfortable was bad. So if I ever felt annoyed, offended, or mad about anything, I held it in. I avoided confrontation and buried anything that I was not okay with, which led to resentment and bitterness.
This is what led me to drop friends like flies when things didn’t work out. And what caused a lot of breakups with guys who didn’t even know why we were breaking up. I would always use some vague excuse or I’d try and spin it so that it seemed like they were breaking up with me.
The point is, we’re all fucked up. Every single one of us. We can try to be the perfect parent and raise our kids using all the psychological tools in the book, but it won’t really matter. The real difference will be to what degree is your child screwed up.
We all have someone or something to blame for the way we turned out. Parents, siblings, friends, classmates, teachers, social class, race, etc. But don’t pretend you’re the only one who was affected. We’ve all been through something and it’s important to recognize that. Otherwise, we just become victims in a society filled with self-pity and loneliness.