Dating Tip #3

Everyone should watch The Break-Up with Jennifer Aniston (Brooke) and Vince Vaughn (Gary). The movie reveals an underlying problem that is quite common in many relationships.

Brooke: I want you to want to do the dishes
Gary: Why would I want to do dishes?

The entire movie starts with the premise of a fight. A fight that all women are tired of and all men are annoyed of because they don’t understand what the fight is about.

Throughout the movie, it becomes more and more clear that these underlying issues have been present for a very long time. It just builds up slowly and steadily, until she can’t take it anymore. From the man’s point of view, she looks “crazy” because it seems to be coming out of no where. However, from the woman’s view, it’s a monotonous pattern that she’s been patient with, hoping he would change, but he never does.

A man’s gesture of doing something he doesn’t want to do shows the woman that he loves and appreciates her. It’s especially true when men do it without even being asked.

By the end of the film, Brooke reveals everything she’s been feeling, which helps Gary finally understand what she’s been going through.

Brooke: Our entire relationship, I have gone above and beyond for you, for us. I’ve cooked, I’ve picked your sh*t up off the floor, I’ve laid your clothes out for you like a four-year-old. I support you, I supported your work. If we ever had dinner or anything, I did the plans. I take care of everything. And I just don’t feel like you appreciate any of it. I don’t feel you appreciate me. All I want is to know, is for you to show me that you care.
Gary: Why didn’t you just say that to me?
Brooke: Gary, I tried. I’ve tried.
Gary: Never like that. You might’ve said some things that meant to imply that, but I’m not a mind reader..
Brooke: It wouldn’t matter. You are who you are.

From the beginning of the movie, I kept saying how it was Gary’s fault. This entire breakup is all because of him. However, in the end it becomes more clear that it’s Gary’s fault, but Brooke is partly to blame as well.

It’s difficult for women to clearly speak our minds, because we don’t think it’s necessary. We assume it’s common sense. A friend once told me that if I ever have an argument with a guy I’m dating, I should speak in steps:

Step 1: I felt ___ when you did ___.
Step 2: Can you not do ___ anymore, because ___?
Step 3: Instead of doing ___, I would appreciate it if you did ___ next time.

I laughed when she told me this, but after being in a relationship and watching this movie, I realize my friend was right about everything. If we don’t speak clearly, they won’t understand. They’re not mind readers.

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One Reply to “Dating Tip #3”

  1. This is really good and so very true! I think a lot of women don’t want to have to explain themselves or how they feel and they use this as a test as to whether the partner they are with really cares for them. Ultimately they are set up to fail because as you said they are not mind readers. Great piece!

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