True Freedom

I was let go from my job yesterday. That’s a nice way of saying I was fired. And you know what, I feel pretty good. If you’ve been following me since the beginning of this blog, you’ll know that there’s been a lot of adventures searching for the right career. From being unemployed, to retail, to working for a startup, to writing a book, to freelancing, etc. etc. it’s been a rollercoaster.

I started my new job about 6 months ago. About 3 months in, I realized that I wasn’t doing anything I was told during my interview. At first I assumed I was still training, but then I realized after speaking to coworkers that this was my job.

After sharing my confusion with my managers, they said a lot of words that sounded nice, but I didn’t see any immediate changes. I thought I needed to be patient. After 3 more months of ongoing conversations and deciphering through their bullsh*t, I realized it wasn’t going to happen.

I realized that all the pretty words they used to sell me this job 6 months ago was catered towards me because they wanted to hire me. After speaking with other coworkers, I really see now that the company is very hopeful of where it wants to be, but they’re not there yet. And I don’t know how long it’s going to take for them to get there but it’s not anytime soon. The “job” they sold me actually doesn’t even exist.

I knew they wanted me to quit or they would fire me. I was planning on quitting at my 6 month mark next week, but they beat me to it. My director was very kind and sympathetic. The severance they offered would not have been available if I resigned on my own, so I was actually kind of thankful for being let go.

So now, more than anything I feel free. Free from an unsatisfying, unfulfilling job, but also free to explore parts of my passions I never thought I could. I think other times I’ve been unemployed, I was free yet chained to the crippling idea of having no financial safety net. I was so worried about just having a full time job (that provides security and pleases my parents) that I never really got to dream or pursue something I really wanted to.

Just 2 days ago, I saw this article on LinkedIn. What perfect timing I thought.

I don’t know what I really want to do, but I don’t feel scared anymore. I was trusting society, money, and advice of peers more than what I was feeling in my heart, what I believe God was telling me. We learn that our God is mighty and how much He loves us, but why am I not living a life that believes these things?

We try too often to fit God into our little hands and our plans or what’s feasible in our brains. But I want to live in God’s hands. I want to be truly free and open to the possibly of anything He brings my way. Even if it seems illogical or irrational to my human brain. How can my human brain possibly begin to grasp or see the things He does? It’s not easy, don’t get me wrong. It’s extremely hard, but it’s worth it. I want to walk in complete faith. To me, that’s true freedom.

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