Apartment Hunting

I started apartment hunting since I need to move out this summer. Being a writer, I think it’s hilarious how some of these listings describe apartments, because it’s all the tricks I would probably use too.

Vintage/Rustic = Old
Cozy/Comfy/Cute = Small/Cramped
Artsy = Industrial
Minimalist = Literally minimal amenities and upgrades

Ethnic Food vs. American Food

I had a conversation with a former (white) boss once. We talked about “ethnic food” and I said how I think it’s kind of funny and strange that we classify Asian, Hispanic, African, and European food as ethnic, but not American. Because technically all food is ethnic.

She looked at me confused (and as if I’m wrong) and said, “What do you mean? What’s American ethnic food..?”

I looked at her confused and said, “Burgers, hotdogs, coke, sandwiches..” She realized her mistake and quickly moved on.

From this conversation, I realized how easy it is for Americans, White Americans to classify “ethnic” as “other.” As if American food is FOOD and every other culture’s food is ethnic food. But by definition that’s incorrect.

“Of or relating to large groups of people classed according to common racial, national, tribal, religious, linguistic, or cultural origin or background” – Merriam Webster

However, it’s become so normalized to hear “ethnic” used as “other” that we don’t even think twice when we see the word on menus, when coworkers use it incorrectly, or when we hear it in class. Our complacency is in fact perpetuating a stereotype that other = different, so people of nonwhite cultures will always be different from White Americans.

I know some of us don’t like to make people uncomfortable, so we stay quiet when someone makes a general (wrong) statement about ethnicities and brush it off as a joke/ignorance/harmless. We think to ourselves, we know they’re wrong, but we also know what they mean, so it’s okay. But it’s not okay.

From the recent election, it’s become vividly clear that there are SO MANY people in the U.S. that do not know anything about race, who feel no guilt discriminating against colored people, who are proud to be white supremacists. Does this look okay to you? As a nation, are we in fact going backwards in time. Will colored people be required to sit in the back of the bus again?

It scares me to think that nothing has changed in 100 years. Do we want to be a part of the time in history we actually went backwards while other countries were moving forward?

Safety As A Right, Not A Privilege

I was reading this story yesterday, and it really stuck with me because I couldn’t shake the thought of how that’s been so real in my life. I know women are harassed daily, regularly and I think it’s become so common to hear, that it’s become normalized.

When a guy hits on you at a bar – typical. Hits on you at the store – not surprised. But feeling scared every moment, everyday, why the eff do women deserve that? Reading Nathalie’s experience made me realize that none of this is okay and men, real men need to be aware, support us, and speak up.

I’ve recently been having landlord issues. Not because he’s a bad person or a bad landlord. But because he pops in anytime he wants. Two days ago, I was in my room and I heard him open the door and say hello. He didn’t ring the doorbell nor text me he was coming. I genuinely freaked out because why is there a man in my apartment without my knowledge?! He said he texted us last week, but after conversing with him, he realized he made a mistake.

I’ve been wanting to say something about this for months, but I didn’t want to seem rude. I hate that I even feel like I’m being rude for standing up for myself, my safety. He’s just trying to be a good landlord and fix our heater, change the filter, etc. I didn’t want to tell him to stop.

We told him to text us from now on, but he would keep it general. “I’m coming tomorrow.” Umm so anytime in the next 24 hours? I texted him today telling him to let me know exactly around what time he will be stopping by from now on. What if I’m in the shower, bathroom, changing in my room? What if I’m sitting in the living room, no bra and no pants? I explained this to him and he understood. I realized then and there that this is a woman’s problem. Because he’s a man, he doesn’t care or isn’t concerned with those things. Or it’s not second nature for him to even think of those things. But as a woman, I am fearful of all of those things.

My landlord may be the nicest person in the world, but as a woman I have to assume he could turn at any moment. I have to assume I don’t actually know him or what he’s capable of. I have to assume he could be a threat at any moment. Studies have shown that it’s usually someone you know who robs you, rapes you, harms you. So as a woman, yes, I need to always be cautious. It is extremely tiring. Extremely exhausting. But unfortunately this is what it means to be a woman.

True Freedom

I was let go from my job yesterday. That’s a nice way of saying I was fired. And you know what, I feel pretty good. If you’ve been following me since the beginning of this blog, you’ll know that there’s been a lot of adventures searching for the right career. From being unemployed, to retail, to working for a startup, to writing a book, to freelancing, etc. etc. it’s been a rollercoaster.

I started my new job about 6 months ago. About 3 months in, I realized that I wasn’t doing anything I was told during my interview. At first I assumed I was still training, but then I realized after speaking to coworkers that this was my job.

After sharing my confusion with my managers, they said a lot of words that sounded nice, but I didn’t see any immediate changes. I thought I needed to be patient. After 3 more months of ongoing conversations and deciphering through their bullsh*t, I realized it wasn’t going to happen.

I realized that all the pretty words they used to sell me this job 6 months ago was catered towards me because they wanted to hire me. After speaking with other coworkers, I really see now that the company is very hopeful of where it wants to be, but they’re not there yet. And I don’t know how long it’s going to take for them to get there but it’s not anytime soon. The “job” they sold me actually doesn’t even exist.

I knew they wanted me to quit or they would fire me. I was planning on quitting at my 6 month mark next week, but they beat me to it. My director was very kind and sympathetic. The severance they offered would not have been available if I resigned on my own, so I was actually kind of thankful for being let go.

So now, more than anything I feel free. Free from an unsatisfying, unfulfilling job, but also free to explore parts of my passions I never thought I could. I think other times I’ve been unemployed, I was free yet chained to the crippling idea of having no financial safety net. I was so worried about just having a full time job (that provides security and pleases my parents) that I never really got to dream or pursue something I really wanted to.

Just 2 days ago, I saw this article on LinkedIn. What perfect timing I thought.

I don’t know what I really want to do, but I don’t feel scared anymore. I was trusting society, money, and advice of peers more than what I was feeling in my heart, what I believe God was telling me. We learn that our God is mighty and how much He loves us, but why am I not living a life that believes these things?

We try too often to fit God into our little hands and our plans or what’s feasible in our brains. But I want to live in God’s hands. I want to be truly free and open to the possibly of anything He brings my way. Even if it seems illogical or irrational to my human brain. How can my human brain possibly begin to grasp or see the things He does? It’s not easy, don’t get me wrong. It’s extremely hard, but it’s worth it. I want to walk in complete faith. To me, that’s true freedom.

Employee Of The Month

Yesterday, I had a town hall meeting at work where they recognized employees for their hard work. There was one man in particular that they really wanted to thank because he worked beyond work hours, got the job done, was always available, and he did it all with a smile on his face.

At that moment I realized our society rewards people who work rather than enjoy their free time, don’t go on vacations, neglect their families, and do it all without complaining, but with a smile on their faces.

With that realization I felt sick to my stomach. I never want to receive an award from any company.

The Hipster Chronicles

I only drink coffee from cafes where the barista himself went and picked his own beans in South America, roasted them, ground them, and hand poured it into my mug.

Audiobooks are for people who are lazy, dumb, or stupid. The only books I read are first editions.

When I have a decision to make, I ask myself, “What would Friedrich Nietzsche do?”

Hipsterism isn’t a phase. It’s a way of life that runs through my veins, penetrates my heart, and transforms my soul.

No, they’re not an underground band. They’re artists. You don’t even know anything.

These old glasses? I don’t know, I found them around my house. (I actually spent $400 on them from an independent designer in France that sells out of her house once a year. If you were cool, you would’ve already known.)

Freedom Never Felt So Sweet

Just over a week ago, I quit my job. My past 2 posts have literally been about my job, so I’m sure you’re aware of how much it’s been poisoning my life. Quitting was one of the hardest decisions I ever made because I literally have no backup plan.

Normally, I would wait until I found a new job, but this time was different. My job was polluting my soul, and I was becoming someone I’m not. And in order for me to do my job well, I had to act, speak, and be someone that goes against my morals, values, and Jesus. That’s not the kind of job I wanted to have.

It took me a really long time to even come to that conclusion, because I didn’t see from the outside how I was changing. But once it clicked, it was so clear. I needed to get out.

I really wanted a backup job or a plan b, and that was the only reason that was stopping me. But then I realized that my plan b is the same thing as “just in case God doesn’t take care of me” and I know that is a slap in the face to God. Where is my faith?

I don’t expect God to give me some super amazing job, because that’s not what He promises (even though I want it). He does promise though His blessings. He will bless my heart so that I am at peace, joyful, and overflowing with love.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. Because I am super duper scared. But the people He has placed in my life as my support system is amazing and I know I’m going to be okay. I’m going to be better than okay.